Adagio

Slow. A word meaning moving or operating only at a slow speed; not quick or fast. The event happened so fast that everything inside me seemed to die the instant it occurred. Time came to a halt, everyone and everything around me becoming blurs. My vision tunneled to one thing and one thing only. My eyes fixed on the small, petite silhouette of her. I heard the shot ring out and her body jolt back. Even as she fell, she fell with beauty. Her hair flowed and her dress gripping her skin as she crumbled to the floor. I stared and fell to my knees. The knees that I'd fallen before her previously. I screamed. An unearthly, cry that never seemed loud enough. All of my air, left my body. I tried crawling toward her lifeless body. It seemed as if all my muscles were paralyzed with the shot. As if my legs were just skin and muscle, I had no stability, no bones. The red river surrounding her small body flowed down as people ran around her, getting away. Blurs of people running away from the scene took up my vision. I looked as no one; no one stopped to help. Not a single person, even flinched with the thought of helping her. 

Regaining my strength I got off the dirty tiled floor and ran to her. I collapsed at her side, taking in her position. She lay perfectly still, arms out as if in flight and legs twisted together as if she were just laying down for a second. Her face, her beautiful face, was now a pale canvass. Her mouth open as if she were going to speak just one more word. Her eyes, her once warm blue, gray eyes, now a stone cold, gray that were wide in shock as if she were paralyzed the second she noticed the gun. I look with tear filled eyes. I looked at her neatly pressed pink dress. As if she pressed it down herself as she fell. A deep, blood soaked hole was made in the middle of her chest, where her selfless heart once beat. Her light grey cardigan crumbled underneath her. Her stockings remained as they were when she first got them, perfectly knitted and not a single catch. Her lifeless hand lay on her stomach, ready to grip the flowers for her service. 

I took her face in my hands and sobbed. My best friend, my wife, my everything. Gone. Her copper curls still full of life and color; the last thing that would be alive on her. I fell back on my heels. I rocked back and forth trying to take in the situation. People finally stopped running. They stopped running from their fear and approached us. I overheard a faceless voice--"Poor man. She was so young." I sobbed loud as the reminder that she wouldn't be coming home with me became evident. Sirens wailed in the background as I sat there sobbing into her chest. My hands were coated in her blood, my once blue pressed button down, now stained with burgundy splotches. 

As the wailing crescendoed, I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. A man stood before me in a Navy suit that read EMT on the breast plate. I took his arm and stood. He ushered me back, while the other two paramedics picked my wife up and gently placed her on the gurney. Her untouched body now moved, and I was ushered to a second ambulance where I could see the Paramedics shake their heads as they couldn't do anything to help her. She was gone. A young paramedic pulled the white sheets over her and laid them gently across her body and over her pale, pale face. The driver of the Ambulance hopped out of the back and closed the doors. He kept his head down in disappointment. 

The ambulance that held her, moved forward, no sirens, toward a white cold prison; a prison where rejoice, grief, and despair all meet. As I sat expressionless on the back of the second ambulance, I looked out toward the horizon. The sun kissing the ground, making bursts of reds, oranges, and yellows spread across the sky in a thin sheet. I knew that wherever she was, it was somewhere beautiful. 

You Are Not Atlas

The moment you realize,
that that heavy weight was him.
The moment you realize,
you were the one holding on.
The moment you realize,
that it's harder to hold on than to let go.

You finally let go.

You finally breathe for the first time.
You finally relax your shoulders.
You finally put your hands down.
You finally get up from the weight holding you down.

You are not Atlas.
You are not as strong as him.
You are not a God
You are human.

You finally stand.

You stand and take in the destruction that's left.
As you look, you see little.
You see the old materials that remind you of what happened.
You see the old memories you shared.

But finally you see.

You see how tainted the end was.
You see that truth in what happened.
You look in front of you and see how bright it is.

You finally see.

Colors swirling.
Opportunities beaconing for you.
People wave at you,
Look at the future.

You step forward.

The first may be shaky, but the rest are strong.

Charlie -- Continuation from Make up or Break up

I sat down in my seat quickly and pulled my pre-Cal folder out my backpack and buried myself in the problems I didn’t finish the night before. I finished a problem when I noticed him next to me. He knelt down beside to me. 

“Ash, please, can we talk?” Lucas pleaded.

Truth was I did want to talk, but just not yet. I wasn’t ready to go back into his bull crap again. I decided not to even respond and just keep working on my problems. My eyes started to burn again as yesterday’s events played back in my mind.

The bell rang again to tell those who weren’t in class that they were late; that also meant in two seconds Ms. Harper would tell Lucas to go sit in his seat.

He grabbed my wrist with a warm touch. “Please Ash…I’m sorry…”I froze, but I kept my head down. Fresh tears slipping down my face and landing on my paper.

“Mr. Collins! Please return to your assigned seat and leave Miss. Swift be.” Ms. Harper called finally. He got up and walked slowly to his seat. I felt horrible, we were so close before, and now I could barely handle looking in his direction. I wiped the tears from under my eyes quickly and waited for Ms. Harper to begin.  

Ms. Harper was about to start her lesson when the door opened. Our principal, Mr. Meyers, walked in with a boy that looked my age. He was extremely cute. He had shaggy copper shaded hair, an orange jacket with a white shirt on underneath, jeans, and simple black converses on. He stood at least a foot taller than me.

Mr. Meyers stood in the front of the class with Ms. Harper and the new kid in the middle. “Class, this is Charlie Sweeny. Please make him feel welcome to our school.” Mr. Meyers introduced.

“Go ahead and tell us a little about yourself Charlie.” Ms. Harper chirped.

“Well uhhh, I just moved here from England. I love soccer, as you all would call it. I’m a Junior and I was in my last high school’s orchestra.” His accent was absolutely perfect. I looked around the room quickly and noticed that the only free chair in the room was the one next to me…

“Charlie, may have a seat next to Miss. Swift, right over there.” She showed him the seat. “Ash, Charlie is your new table-mate, I’m leaving it up to you to teach him the material we have covered.” She said to me. She then turned back to Charlie. “Charlie, Ash is the brightest in the class and excels in math in particular. If you have any questions, I advise you ask her.” She smiled and turned back to her desk.

“Hullo Ash, I’m Charlie Sweeny.” His voice was warm. He sat down and immediately I felt a strange surge of safety? I don’t know what it was about him, but something made me immediately feel safe in his presence.

“Hi, how old are you again?” I asked. Wait that was such a dumb question. Ugh, I mentally hit myself for not saying something cooler.

“Well I turned seventeen back in May. How ‘bout you?”

“I’m Seventeen too, my birthday was back in September.” I answered.

“Cool!” He smiled at me with warm eyes. That first awkward conversation was the start of a relationship beyond my imagination.

“Alright class, please take out your homework and turn to page 459. Today, we’re learning about the Unit Circle and Pi.”

Mutants

I turned from slicing a mutant in half and everything slowed. I saw a Mutant run from behind and latch on to Brent’s side. It let out a loud hiss and sank its jagged blood stained teeth into him. He screamed in pain and fell to the floor, lifeless.

“BRENT! NO!” I started screaming and slashing my way through to Brent. Once I reached him, there was already blood pouring onto the dirty white floor. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and I knew he was already gone. Mutants carry the most poisonous venom known on earth. A single drop of this stuff will kill someone in an instant…God only knows how much Brent got.

The Mutants were closing in. The anger bubbling in the bottom of my stomach was rising and I was getting close to losing it. These damned things messed with the wrong girl.

I ducked just in time to see a Mutant leap right over my head. I screamed as loud as I could and raised my fists into the air and brought them down. As my fists made impact with the floor, a large blue circle rippled from around me and Brent and waved out down the hall, knocking down Mutants in the process. A blur of brown bodies with beaten up tails flew through the air. I sat shocked, realizing that I did that. I thought quickly and picked Brent up, bridal style. I ran down the North Hall, moonlight streaming in through the windows like pale lavender ribbons.

The Auditorium. That place has locked doors and I have the key. Perfect! My god Brent’s heavy. But this is for him. He might not be completely gone. The chosen always have a little extra strength then the provinces. He’s got to still be here. Please. He needs to be here.

The shock wave momentarily paralyzed the Mutants but not for long. I ran a few more feet and stopped. The auditorium door was propped ajar like usual. This is my last chance at safety, if I screw this up…we’re done. I ran through the door, closing it behind me.

I made it half way down the steep steps when Brent slipped through my arms. His head was about to crash in to the floor when I caught it at the last second.

The last few feet were a struggle to get him to the stage, which was when I got my first good look at Brent. He was in really bad shape. The color from his face was gone. The bright red dimples from before were now snowy white and cold. His lips blue. His t-shirt soaked in blood, and his jeans torn.

My eyes burned. This was my best friend, and the love of my life. I fell on his lifeless chest and sobbed. I put my ear to his heart and listened. 

Bump……..bump…….bump…….bump……I nearly jumped out of my skin; He was still alive. Well barely. I had to do something. Think. Think…I’m not sure if this’ll work but it’s worth a shot. I wiped the tears from my eyes and put both my hands over Brent’s heart. I focused on his breathing and mimicked it. I listened to his tiny heart beat and willed it to grow. I felt his heart starting to pound and I looked at his face; the color was coming back! My concentration broke when a large hallow bang came from the auditorium doors.

The Mutants were here and they could smell us. Just as my concentration broke, so did the spell and the color faded quickly from Brent’s face. Crap, Focus Kyla. Focus. I put my hands back on his heart and willed all my energy to him. His face rushed with color. The hole in his side closed up and all the cuts and bruises from tonight healed instantly. Brent gasped for air and sat up. Once he somewhat caught his breath, he looked at me.

Between breaths of air he said “Kyla…You…..saved...me…”

I looked in his blue eyes and pulled his face closer to mine. I pressed my lips against his soft ones and we kissed. He grabbed me and pulled me closer. After a few more seconds of kissing, I pulled away. We stared into each other’s eyes and smiled.

Our moment was interrupted by the auditorium door busting open with a loud BANG!

Make up or Break up

Once the monotone bell shrieked, I grabbed my backpack from my desk and sped out the door. I didn’t even look back for Lucas. It was cold as I stepped down the trailer steps. Wait! I had a jacket….back inside the classroom. I cursed under my breath for being such an idiot for forgetting it, and thanked God that the school had several entrances next to my trailer. I then headed up the steep steps for the second floor.

“Ash?!” He called while jogging toward me.

I kept my head down and moved quicker toward the steps.

“Ashley! Please, just talk to me! Tell me what’s wrong!”

He only called me by my first name when it was serious. No one else calls me Ashley other than that. Not even the teachers. I kept moving deciding that the library was the safest place for me right now.

I heard someone run up the steps. I could smell his dang cologne before he was even 5 feet from me. He grabbed my upper arm and turned me around.

“What in the Hell Ash!? What is your deal today?” My deal? He was my deal. And he should know. He went on a date this weekend with his EX and completely rejected me. That was my deal. My eyes started to burn, tears started to form. No, I thought to myself, I am stronger than this. I can do this.

“I was going to tell you some really good news…” He started. News? Oh, God he was about to tell me about him and Sally! His face was full of concern and questioning.

“What? That you and Sally are back together? I already found that out!” I screamed at him. He stared at me in disbelief.

“Ash? I don’t understand why you’re so mad?”

I looked in his eyes. He was confused as to why I was so mad. I felt bad for a second. He should feel bad…He’s an inconsiderate jerk. I felt warm tears fall down my frozen face along with a boiling pit of anger within myself.

“Do you not understand what you have done to me the past four months?!”I screamed louder, as the tears were falling from my eyes. I couldn’t hold them back anymore; I was too upset and angry to try to keep calm.

“YOU’VE PLAYED ME LUCAS! YOU’VE LED ME ON!” I yelled; my voice echoed across the empty courtyard. He had never released his grip on my arm and he started to tighten the grip. I yelped from the pain and yanked my arm away. As I was about to walk back up the concrete steps, he grabbed my arm again and pulled me tight into a hug and tried to kiss me.

Everything happened in a whirl, that I didn’t understand what he was doing until his quivering lips touched mine. I pushed him away, took a step back, and stared at him coldly. His eyes were getting red. I hated to see him like this. I slapped him across the face. His face grew even redder than before, and I could start to make out the faint imprint of my hand print on his cheek.

I turned and continued up the steps. Lucas stayed where he was and watched me walk away. Once I reached the door I turned back at him “Don’t mess with my emotions, just because you’re unsure of your own.”

I turned back to the door and opened it. I was greeted with a blast of warm air. I stepped onto the earth science hall and continued on the deserted hallway. Before the door closed I faintly heard Lucas whimper, choke back a sob, and let out a whispered “Ash?”  The door closed and latched with a loud CHINK. I threw my back pack off for a moment, sighed, and slid down the oddly warm metal door. I wanted to get myself together first. As the event played back over and over again in my mind, the friendship Lucas and I once had, disappeared. As it disappeared, the more I realized I didn’t want it back.